AE cardigan (for when I get cold), Gap shirt, Gap vintage flare jeans, Gap flats, earrings that I found at my Grandma's house (again, if they once belonged to one of my cousins or aunts...you are NEVER getting them back)

Without cardigan

 This is the print on my shirt.  I realize I hardly wear prints...I must fix this...

 Gap flats

Stolen earrings

February 26

Forever21 sweater hoodie, VS tank, AE jeans, UGGs, Forever21 earrigns

Gap striped turtle neck, Gap puffer vest, AE jeans, UGGs, Target earrings

I am channeling Debbie Harry...

VS off the shoulder tunic, VS tank, AE jeans, TOMS, AE necklace, Walmart hoop earrings, a heart of glass (get it?  Debbie Harry? eh?)

 Express shirt, Gap vintage flare jeans, AE mocassins

 stellakim Handmade Clay Flower Necklace

stellakim Handmade Clay Flower Earrings

(This is a clue to my giveaway that begins tomorrow....get excited....GET REALLY EXCITED!)

Here I yam.  

Old Navy bib front top (thanks Candice), Gap gray skinny jeans (at the end of the day, these stretch out so much, there is no hiding my crack, NOT KIDDING, he peeks out)  TOMS, Forever 21 earrings

I got a new review/giveaway item in the mail today...I will post it before the weekend, HOORAH!

Express Dolman sweater, VS tank, Gap zipper ankle jeans, TOMS, Gold earrings that I found at Grandmommy's house a few years back (Attention Aunts and Cousins:  I AM KEEPING THESE EARRINGS, so if they WERE yours, they are not yours anymore).

Gap vintage distressed tee, AE jeans, TOMS, Forever 21 flower earrings

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Yesterday

VS cardigan, AE tank, VS tank, AE jeans, TOMS, Forever 21 earrings

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Last night I went out with Jay and some friends.  I had picked an outfit in advance to prevent a "nothing to wear" episode; you know, closet full of clothes, NOTHING to wear, then, ineveitably, your floor is covered with clothes, you are in a bad mood and you HATE what you are wearing? I gave myself an hour and a half.  This is what happened during my hour and a half (all boys are supposed to be napping)...

Rafe got up to poop and needed me to "clean" (wipe) him.

Gianni woke up from his nap and went from a happy, sleeping, FAT baby to a furious, starving, FAT baby in one second.

Gianni pooped and some how filled his onesie with poop but the diaper remained clean.

Judah woke up from his nap DEMANDING he have a bowl of cantaloupe, the cantaloupe was not cut and was hidden...he managed to find it, carry it to my bedroom, then proceeded to throw it at my feet.

Judah pooped.

Judah took off his diaper and sat on me.

Poop. on. my. SHIRT!!!!!  So, I didn't get wear this:

Forever 21 shirt, VS tank, AE jeans, Gap tan flats

Forever 21 earrings

My hour and a half before the sitter arrived turned into 20 minutes AND I wasnt even CLOSE to being ready.  This is what I ended up wearing...(along with coat of sweat, my panties in a wad, and a chip on my shoulder):

 VS plaid tunic, VS tank, AE jeans, TOMS

Target yellow earrings

Inevitably, there are piles of clothes all over my bedroom that I will have to deal with today. 

I did have a fun, social night.

Gap tunic, AE jeans, TOMS, Walmart hoop earrings

Express dolman sweater, VS tank, AE jeans, TOMS, Walmart hoop earrings, Rabid the Dog (Judah's)

Eye Makeup Tips

I will be applying these tips and trends...I LOVE EYE MAKEUP.

TIPS AND TRENDS

Eye-popping makeup trends

Make your eyes pop with the latest makeup trends. You'll only need a few tools, a little bit of time, and this list to get the look that will make your eyes sparkle for that special night out.

Find Your
Best Color

Green eyes
Go for a purple shadow—but keep it sheer. A deep purple liner is perfect to make your eyes stand out.

Blue eyes
Find a warm copper, gold, or rich brown shadow. A dark chocolate eye liner will make those baby blues pop.

Brown eyes
Try a blue or green shadow—use cooler tones. Opt for a deep green liner to enhance your eyes.

Smoky eyes

Choose darker, neutral colors and start by lining the top and bottom lids with black liner. Line outside of your lashes to keep your eyes infection free. Smudge the liner in the outer corners of your eyes and apply eye shadow over your eyeliner to soften the look. To finish smoky eyes, apply the eye shadow all over your eyelids and apply mascara.

Golden shimmer

Start with a soft pink shadow and apply on the upper and lower lids. Accent with a gold shimmery shadow on the inner half of the bottom lash line for a dazzling party-ready look. 

Barely there

Apply a pale ivory shade all over the upper and lower lid, then a soft pink shade over the crease. Use a grey liner on the upper and lower lash lines and smudge.

Magnificently mismatched

Use a bronze eye shadow on the lower lid and a gray shadow on the upper lid. Line the outside of the lash lines with a black or dark grey liner and smudge a bit. For a more neutral look, experiment with a more subtle shadow color.

This article is from http://email-vspenvision.com/newsletter.jsp?nn=vsp_tips_1102&s=41kB&i=586772999380

The content of this article is for general informational awareness purposes only. Please consult your eyecare doctor or physician for actual advice.

Blue seven cardigan, VS tank, Gap vintage flare jeans, tretorns, forever 21 large pearl earrings

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Abercrombie hooded tunic, VS tank, AE jeans, TOMS, Target earrings, Forever 21 sunglasses

Same outfit + Gap vintage army jacket

February 14th, VALENTINE'S DAY!

Being the little sneaky rat that I am, I had made big plans for Jay.  Jay had to work Valentine's Day, so we already celebrated our Valentine's with a WONDERFUL dinner last Saturday (I posted that already).  So, as far as Jay knew V-day was over schmover.  Let me preface the rest of this post by saying, I AM A ROMANTIC FAILURE.  I do sweet things, yes.  I write little sweet notes, I cook fantastic meals and do all sorts of "sweet" things.  Jay is wonderful and is romantic, but the moment I realize he is being romantic I instantly am overcome with retardation and school girl giddy antics; When it comes to being lovey dovey, accepting romantic gestures, even being sexy, uhm...FAIL.  Let me give you some examples of my romantic refusals/romantic attempts:

Romantic refusal:

Every guy that told me "I love you",  I awkwardly responded with "Thaaaanks" or "Oh. Well, that's neat".

Jay and I had been dating about a week.  Things were going REALLY well.  We REALLY liked each, we got along, laughed; in a way we KNEW we were going to be together.  We had chosen one another early on and both of us, in our own way has decided we loved the other.  I was at his condo, we were hanging out, and it was time for me to leave.  I was still in college, a tiny CHRISTIAN college that had a curfew, so I needed to get back to avoid "demerits" ( I hadn't quite mastered the art of Vanessa the sleepy lump pillow dummy...which I did in fact, perfect).  Jay walked me down to my car.  We talked about when about we would see each other again, assured each other the we had had fun and said our goodbyes.  It is a beautiful night, there was a pleasant breeze and the frogs were mating in the back ground.  There was a creek behind his condo, FULL of frogs who in the spring mate; frogs mating sound like a retarded Vin Diesel  yelling "MAAAAAM, MAAAAM"  then a gurgle and a croak.  The atmosphere was promising.  We are hugging each other, looking into each others eyes--the mood was set perfectly for a wonderful passionate romantic first kiss.  The MOMENT I realize what is about to happen, I lose my mind.  I might as well have been wearing a shock collar that went off continuously.  I looked at him, my eyes opened more than they have ever opened-wide eyed deer in the headlights look.  I opened my mouth and said "OH MY GOD" turned my head and pushed away.  Upon realizing what I had done, I tried to make it better and quickly grab him to give him a hug and try again.  THEN I was overcome with uncontrollable laughter and I am pretty sure there were tears streaming down my face.  Poor Jay. FAIL.

We wont even talk about what happened when Jay proposed to me.

Romantic attempts:  I try to keep the attempts minimal since I am aware of my short fallings.  Like I said, I write sweet cards, nice little notes...what I failed to mention is that in every note I include some kind of off color phrase or addition, maybe even a little mean hateful joke such as:  Wow, Jay, you are really old. Wow, Jay, where is your hair?  Wow, Jay, old age has not cause you to become a hunchback, no, it has cause your tiny bottom to tuck under.  I have a dong. Etc.

This all being said, I have embraced my romantic failings and this year gave Jay a "signing The Artist Formally Known as Prince telegram"  while he was working last night.  I told Jay I was meeting a friend and we were going sit sit at the bar at his work, have a glass of wine (I ended up guzzling two IMMEDIATELY after arriving due to the fear of the consequences this might bring--JAY WAS GOING TO KILL ME).  What I was REALLY doing, was witnessing my favorite Valentine's Day antics to date.

 PRINCE aka Jill.

Jay was embarrassed but a good sport...I am still alive!  We went out for drinks afterwards (thanks Mom for watching the boys!) and this is what I wore:

 Express dolman sheer sleeve shirt, Gap flare jeans

 Express rhinestone hoops

Gap silver flats

I failed to get a picture of myself wearing these clothes due to the effects of wine on an empty stomach. I felt good in my outfit :)  

Happy Valentine's Day.

Express shirt, VS tank, AE jeans, TOMS, Forever21 earrings.

Mmmm Valentine's dinner! We went to Rococo North Park... oh YUM. It was our 7th Valentine's day together. It gets better and better each year; I love my Jay.

Express sheer floral blouse, forever 21 spaghetti strap tank, AE jeans, TOMS, forever 21 large earrings....full belly.

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Out running Valentine errands...
VS baseball shirt, AE jeans, Tretorns, forever 21 large green flower earrings.

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I had some little stinkers get in the way of my picture today...

VS burnout oversized shirt, VS tank, AE jeans, Forever 21 leggings, TOMS

Forever 21 black flower earrings.

sNOOOOw self care and sickness over the last two days...FAIL.

Sick baby, sick toddler, sick daddy, bored preschooler, FILTHY RUNG OUT OIL BUCKET MOMMY and 14 inches of snow....GO AWAY.  


Baby Gianni had a little tummy bug so we stayed home from work.  Gianni quickly got better.  Then, of course, Judah caught the tummy bug...he filled his bed with vomit, filled my hair with vomit, filled the couch with vomit...diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea.  While this was going on Rafe was TOTALLY bored.  He didnt have Judah to play with, he craved attention, and he got into EVERYTHING. The whole day Rafe talked my ear off, telling me all he knew about pachyderms, sharks, narwhals, the eating habits of alligators, he informed me that he, in fact, still has a peebis (penis) and so does daddy and the brothers--Gianni's is a baby peebis--but not mommy, mommy has milk; but aunt Candice doesn't have milk she has a peebis. I normally LOVE having him talk my ear off, hearing him jabber on pretending to be a narrator on a nature documentary, telling me the odds and ins of every animal...EVER...but not when I am constantly having to deal with diarrhea leaking out of diapers, and am racing around madly sanitizing a house full of sickening vomit germs.  Later, Jay caught the bug, went down hill fast and spent most of the late afternoon/night in bed in a homemade blanket cocoon, moaning.  On top of this, the weather, 14 inches of snow, made it MISERABLY cold; as I have mentioned before, I HATE THE COLD.  Now that I have prefaced this post, I will shamefully tell you, I failed to dress yesterday (and today, but let's just focus on yesterday)-lame excuse, I KNOW.  I needed a shower; it looked like I had dumped a bucket of oil on my hair THEN stuck my finger in a light socket.  I had makeup smeared all over my face from the day before and heaps of burp up dried and crusted all over my hoodie. I looked and felt like a cave man...a nasty, hairy, stinky cave man...covered in drool, vomit, and poop.  I did however, manage to gain a better understanding of the importance of self-care, in this case, dressing myself.


Yesterday, I experienced, in one form or another, these feelings (this a long list, so bear with me): 


Irritability and resentment 

More suspicious, feeling threatened or alienated 

More gloomy or depressed 

Feeling nervous, apprehensive,anxious and tense 

Drained, no enthusiasm, lack of motivation 

Cynical or inappropriate humor (I find nothing wrong with this one...)

Loss of confidence; poor self esteem

Unsociable 

Restlessness 

Loss of appetite or overeating

Memory failing, particularly short-term memory

Loss of concentration; easily distracted

Worrying 

Muddled thinking 

Less intuitive 

Increased sensitivity – more easily offended or upset 

Persistent negative thoughts 

Impaired judgement

Coincidentally, yesterday I didn't dress AND I experienced that whole list of things in one form or another.  Given there was a lot that happened yesterday, many stressors, bad situations, etc.  I am in no way saying that my lack of "dress maintenance" caused those symptoms.  However, those are symptoms, compiled from differing legitimate health and medical websites, regarding lack of self-care.  WHAT?!  Did you read that?  DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?!  THOSE SYMPTOMS (and I only listed the ones that applied to me yesterday) CAN OCCUR DUE TO LACK OF SELF CARE!  

How I decide to dress for the day is directly related to how I feel.  I feel first and dress later.  Yesterday, nobody felt right-I didn’t feel well; did I want to pull out all the stops and dress?  Well, hell no!  I pulled on whatever was closest to me and dressed the way I felt.  

While it's nice for me to think that appearances don't matter, the fact is, my clothes can have an effect on my self-confidence. Something as simple as how I dressed CAN affect my attitude, my mood and my level of motivation.  Multiple times yesterday, I would walk my the mirror, sigh, hunch my shoulders, huff and puff, and complain about nonsense, then go sit down at the computer and make comments to Jay about all the stupid people on facebook (not you of course...), bitch about the house not being as picked up as I would like (and not doing anything about it), and ever so EVILLY nitpick everything (seriously, like a piranha to a chicken leg).  I was a total negative SOB yesterday; IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT I NOT BE A NEGATIVE SOB, I have a husband and children who NEED me, who depend on me, and in someway, look up to me.  I need to be the BEST Vanessa I can be.  

Changing the way I dress, putting time and effort in how I look HAS consistently effected how I feel and HOW I ACT.  When I dress well, when I feel as though I look good, I feel better, I feel more productive-I am more productive, I'm more creative, I'm outwardly happier, I feel more centered, I have less the anxiety, less stress, and I feel emotionally stronger...I feel empowered.  I am starting to believe (this is a scary thing for me to say...) dressing is CRITICAL to cultivating my self confidence and building my self esteem. 

I realized, instead of dressing according to how I feel (like I did yesterday), I need to start dressing anticipating the benefits I have felt and experienced via wearing my big girl pants. The saying, "Clothes make the man" unfortunately, is just not true (there are many people I would like to slap in a James Franco suit...oh) but how clothes are making me feel, is ACTUALLY helping me become the person I want to be. It's a step. 

Tomorrow I will dress.  

 Yes, I failed to dress AGAIN (I did put on make up, straighten my hair and immediately schlapped my hair into a schloppy ponytail...omg DAMN PONY TAIL...AGAIN).

This is the only thing I am going to mention about my outfit today...Forever 21 stud earrings.

Please, no comments about my manly sideburn.

LOOK AT ME, I AM A WOMAN! The Benefits of Makeup

The Misconception: Makeup serves no deeper purpose than to enhance culturally-defined concepts of beauty.

The Truth: Makeup has a deeper value; it enhances the contrast of the human face, allowing for faster recognition of gender.

Read the whole article here:
http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/06/11/makeup/


More reason for me to continue wearing my cat-eye eye liner.  HOORAH!

Remembering Harmony, the Self-Esteem Bear

Growing up, I attended a small private school; actually, I attended MANY small private schools.  In one particular school, I was indirectly introduced to Harmony the Self-Esteem Bear. A program dealing with self-esteem via use of a BEAR puppet.  It was implemented briefly in a school I attended--though, it was not implemented in my grade at that particular time. For whatever reason, I was introduced to Harmony the Self-Esteem Bear.  Harmony's job was to teach children that they are special, loved and deserving.  Harmony educated children on self-esteem and as much as he could; he equipped children to cope with the everyday challenges of life.  As a young child, I remember feeling empowered through "Harmony the Self-Esteem Bear".

Part of "wearing my big girl pants" is acknowledging that my self-esteem and self-confidence, Harmony the Bear, has taken a beating over the last few years and then in turn, doing something about it.  Many people base their self-esteem on external factors, such as how much money they earn, how much they weigh and whether people like and appreciate them. If one of these external variables change, self-esteem can be broadly affected.  ALL OF THESE THINGS CHANGED FOR ME.  Pregnant with  each boy, for the most part, once I got past the first trimester I had easy EASY pregnancies.  I had nothing to complain about.  I didn't gain much weight, I wasn't reeeeeally uncomfortable, I never dealt with swelling, never had pregnancy pimples, no skin discoloration...however I did pee my pants every time I coughed, laughed, moved too quickly, yelled, got scared, was startled...sneezed...that is beside the point.  I really had no reason to complain while I was pregnant, things, for the most part, went really well.  That being said, I HATE BEING PREGNANT.  I loooove the labor and delivery, I love having children, oh my gosh, I HATE BEING PREGNANT.  It was mentally hard on me to see my body change, and have physical things, "external factors" impact how I felt about myself.  I felt like I had a moon face (for those of you who do not know what a moon face is...it is when your once normal face becomes a huge round face...a huge round white ball looking much like the moon)

this is an ACTUAL picture of me...pregnant...

I felt oddly shaped, mentally incapable of having a conversation without instantly forgetting where that conversation was headed, had no control over my temper (which is normally bad, so this was HORRIBLE); I basically HATED everything about myself while I was pregnant.  After each pregnancy I lived in sweats (Jay pointed out that years ago, if a woman was wearing sweats it meant she was depressed...people thought something was wrong with that woman...THERE WAS something wrong with that woman.  Of course, that was a different time, but you get the idea). I felt gross, ugly, hated my hair, my clothes didn't fit me right, my body wasn't the same AND I had avoided any social interaction because of how I felt about myself physically, so on top of EVERYTHING I felt totally ALONE. Everyday life challenges were becoming harder and harder to deal with; each time I became pregnant the cycle started over again; and each time the cycle started over again, I would get further away from the teachings of "Harmony the Self-Esteem Bear"...knowing that I am special, loved and deserving...(that damn bear, how could I forget a BEAR puppet telling me he loves me?)  I didn't feel like I was special (no jokes). I didn't even feel ordinary.  I felt like I was weird, out of place, and alone.  I didn't feel loved.  I had a wonderful LOVING, patient husband who showed love to me constantly and naturally; he LOVED (and currently, loves) me.  I was blinded by my self-hate to recognize it; when I did recognize it I sure didn't believe it.  Deserving?  I felt like a worthless, pointless, empty skin bag.  


Now, I love being a wife and mommy and feel as though I am the best wife for Jay and the best mommy for my boys.  I work hard to show LOVE to my little family, and I LOVE doing so.  I am confident in being a wife and mommy.  But being a wife and mommy is, should be, about the husband and children...not about me.  SELF confidence, SELF-esteem, matters dealing with how I feel about MYSELF, I am FAILING at.  I let external factors effect how I felt and how I feel about myself.  Low self-esteem is often linked to depression and anxiety.  MY MIDDLE NAME IS ANXIETY, Vanessa Anxiety Iaquinta.  (I am not ready to say that I am "depressed"; I certainly have my down times BUT I am fully aware of the wonderful things I have in my life and allow these things to make me happy...when viewing the big picture, when ridding my mind of things that DON'T REALLY MATTER, I believe I am happy)  Self-loathing, self-doubt, a general DISREGARD for myself, feeling like a failure, setting myself up to feel alone all of these I struggle with (yet do not view myself as depressed...hmm); I thiiiiiink it is about time that it is dealt with.

According to Psych Central: Building your self-esteem and creating a positive self-awareness comes from taking an inventory of your own strengths and abilities as a human being. Being at peace with who you are and what you have to offer the world is a major part of having high self-esteem. This “inner peace” does not mean that you are unaware of your weaknesses; it merely means that you accept who you are and genuinely like the person you have become.

This is uncomfortable and awkward...oh hell, it's just flat out embarrassing.  Here is an inventory of my strengths...10 of them:


1.  Spontaneous
2.  Fun
3. Dedicated
4. Loyal
5. Transparent
6.  Excel during a crisis
7. A great listener
8.  Empathetic
9.  Encouraging
10.  Sincere


I don't know if anyone else has ever tried to write down their strengths as an individual, I found it is a VERY difficult task.  Please try it.


Through giving myself attention and proper maintenance, dressing daily and being social I have begun to re-experience the feeling I got through the teachings of Harmony the Bear; the feeling of "empowerment".   "Empowerment" refers to increasing strength of the individual. It often involves the empowered developing confidence in their own capacities.  Apparently, I am beginning to experience CONFIDENCE.  Great success?  My 365 days are not over yet.

Ae hoodie cardigan, Old Navy baby doll tee, Gap zipper ankle jeans, Tretorn shoes, Gap beaded necklace, Forever 21 flower studs.

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Mark. Giveaway!

Mark. is a subsidiary company to Avon.  At Mark. you can find makeup, skincare, fragrance, bath and body, hairstyling, fashion and more!  Here is a little bit about Mark.  :

IT IS OUR PASSION TO CONNECT, ENGAGE AND EMPOWER YOUNG WOMEN-ENCOURAGING THEM TO EXPRESS THEIR INDIVIDUALITY AND TO REALIZE THEIR INFINITE POSSIBILITIES. IF IT'S MAGNETIC, FRESH AND UNEXPECTED, IT'S mark.

I absolutely LOVE eye make up.  My personal favorite Mark. product is their eye-popping kit for blue eyes!     

Browse through their magalog to see more of what Mark. has to offer!   

Megan Stottlemyre is a representative of a Mark.eBoutique, and the sponsor of our giveaway.  Here is a little bit about Megan and her Mark.eBoutique:

I love beauty & fashion and I love sharing the latest trends. That's why I became a mark. Rep. mark. is constantly launching new trends and I'm always updating my eBoutique, so be sure to check back often!

Megan and Mark. are offering the winner of this giveaway

Mark. fashionable silver clutch with a purple lining,  a wildly pretty Mark. makeup collection that includes shimmery, glimmery shades for the eyes, lips and cheeks and a full size make it Big Lash plumping Mascara in Raven Achieve eye-popping va-va-volume with this lash plumping mascara and super-sized brush. Lashes are instantly and noticeably larger.

Mark. Clutch (inside is the makeup collection and the Big Lash Plumping mascara)

Mark. Make up collection

As well as free shipping on ANY Mark. order.

Here is how you enter: 

THE FIRST ENTRY IS REQUIRED)

1.  Follow me through Google Friend Connect.  Leave a comment on this post letting my know that you follow through google friend and provide me with your email address. (one entry)

(THESE ENTRIES ARE OPTIONAL)

2.  Get a friend to follow 'my big girl pants' through Google Friend Connect.  Leave me a comment with the name of the person you recruited and provide with me your email address. (one entry)

3.  Subscribe to my bog via email.  Leave me a comment saying that you have subscribed via email and provide me with your email address.

4.  Post this giveaway on FB, make sure you tag me and Megan Stottlemyre.  Leave a comment letting my know you posted it on FB and provide me with your email address.

6.  Go to Mark. and browse her items, choose your favorite one.  Leave me a comment telling me what your favorite item is and provide me with your email address. (one entry)

7.  Go to Mark. and choose an item.  Leave me a comment telling me how you would wear this item. (one entry)

8.  BUY something from Mark. THROUGH Megan Stottlemyre.  Leave me a comment telling me you made a purchase and provide me with your email address.  (5 entries--this means, if you purchase something, you must leave me 5 separate comments in order to earn your 5 entries.)

This Giveaway will end February 15, at 11:59pm.