Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Let me update you on life as of lately:  Jay got a new job.  WONDERFUL!  The job training is a 17 week process; some shifts are 12 hours long; I AM MISSING HIM.  Let me first say, IT IS WONDERFUL AND IT IS A HUGE BLESSING that he has this job.  This job is a long term investment to our future.  This job is needed--that being said, this job sucks ass, I DO NOT LIKE HIM BEING GONE.  Jay is my BEST FRIEND, my helper, partner, buddy, my shoulder to cry on, my arm to punch, and my ear to yell in.  I NEEEEEEED HIM AROUND.  Because of his new job, different pay periods, etc.,  finances have been pretty tight.  I have taken on a second job, which I really like, BUT cannot make enough and pay for childcare ($1500 a month--more than our house and car payments COMBINED) if I stay there.  I will be leaving that second job to work full time at the preschool, through which I will pay less for childcare and will have more take home money (again, another blessing, THANK YOU BRIAN AND MELISSA, you have done more for our family than you will ever know. Our family will ALWAYS love you).  Jay and I have always planned on me staying with the boys till they entered school.  This was the plan when we had Rafe.  Then we had Judah and Gianni and my four year hold on a career turned into a eight year hold on a career.  I would like to stay with the boys until they are in school, but sometimes life happens and (like it or not) you just have to do what you have to do.  I have to start on my career.  I have to help my family make money.  I have to help build a future.  I have to.  I have to for my sanity.  So, this spring/summer I am going back to school to get my MSW/MPH, and I am REALLY excited.  
If you knew me in college you probably knew that I LOVED school, I LOVED writing papers, I LOVED homework, I LOVED tests, I LOVED succeeding and feeling accomplished I LOVED THE CHALLENGE...and you probably knew that I DID NOT love you (yes, this is true, I hated many a people...and if you were one of them, you knew it--Randy, I still claim to have kicked your ass in front of the dorms; how does it feel to have little old me beat you down?  Asshole.)  Anyway, I am looking forward to the work.  I am looking forward to the challenge.
Because of the old man working all the time, me working all the time, having three kids and being totally piss poor, I have been missing the gym and my regular workouts...and my daily tanning.  THIS IS KILLING ME.  I have worked out AT LEAST 3 days a week for at LEAST 10 years. Let me tell you, missing this much exercise (AND TANNING) is just unacceptable.  Seriously, I feel like an old, worn out, albino, soft wrinkled Gumby...AND I DONT LIKE IT.  MUST. WORK. OUT. MUST. WORK. OUT. MUST. WORK. OUT.
There is more.  There is also a secret family crisis.  There is having three kids.  There is stress.  Having unacceptable self-destructive ways of dealing with stress is not going to cut it anymore.  I have to deal with stress and anxiety better than I have in the past.  Ive said it before, I am best in a crisis; I thrive when the world has fallen apart--I step up and crush any and all obstacles.  But, I am not good with the petty bull shit everyday life stressors.  Those damn things take a toll on me. My confidence, my view of myself, has been shot.  Mope mope mope.  Too much...but honestly, there is so much potential in the things that are happening.  

Blah is my "womanwear" for the day:
Express top, Express Editor pants (a happy surprise from my WONDERFUL husband), Target Merona sandals, Express rhinestone hoops


Kate said...

I love this post! Congrats! Many positive things ahead!

Anonymous said...

Oh Vanessa, I love this post for SO MANY REASONS! LOL. Good luck on all of your new adventures!