60 ways to become the person you love...huh??? Meh..,

I am LOVING dressing myself.  I feel like I am getting back into the fashion groove.  I like clothes, I like looking nice, I LOVE dressing feminine...however, I am still having a hell of a hard time having any consistency to my confidence level.  What the hell man?  I get so grumpy every morning because I am so down on myself. Maaaaaybe because I see soooo many things that need to be done and I am not motivated to do them? I have no motivation, no energy...I dont want to blame it on the kids and the energy they require from me--but I will. No, I wont blame them--I, alone, am in control of my actions.  I think I have just been....lazy?  I hate that word becasue it does NOT describe me.  I work hard.  I am thorough, diligent, efficient, anal/OCD, I am a hard worker-I dont stop till things are done-NO BREAKS.  I dont know how else to put it; I have just had NO motivation; overwhelmed and numb to it.  When things arent perfect I feel like a failure.  I read an article not too long ago about perfectionism and procrastination.  It basically was saying people who deal with perfectionism also struggle with procrastination.  Perfectionist procrastinate becasue they anticipate failure.  If they start a task and dont finish it to their own personal standards of satisfaction, the intesnse feeling of failure can be overwhelming; so they procrastinate, putting off the failure that they could possibly face.  So maybe this is what is happening to me.  I dont want to start on all the things that need to be done because I am afraid I will not finish it-which means I would fail.  Sadly (and this is quite annoying and chaps my ass), things will NEVER be done.  There will ALWAYS be things to do.  Maybe that is why I dont want to start doing things that need to be done--BECAUSE THERE IS NO END!  *Sigh* 


Me:

I KNOW I am a good wife and mother--I put most of my energy into bettering myself in those areas...I LOVE being a wife and mother.  I can't seem to find "me".  I really dont know who "me" is apart from being a wife and a mother. Who am I?? *crickets*.  At the end of the day, when I am be myself, with my thoughts, I feel alone.  It is so lonely when you dont even know yourself.  Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is...for me at least.   I am STILL anxious in the "social" setting.I have been doing a really piss poor pretty shitty alright job when people ask me to do things.  BUT initiating anything social???--ugh, just kill me now...anxiety ridden--NO, anxiety bludgeoned.  I NEED PEOPLE.  I have people.  I have anxiety.  Whatever the reason for my loneliness, poor self-image, PITY PARTY, I will not settle for it being "just the way that it is".  Anyway, enough of the depressing post...


I found this on StumbleUpon...
Below are 60 ideas for glowing: (I posted my thoughts in parenthesis...GLOWING? What the hell?)

60. Eliminate shoulds.
(I SHOULD do this...should eliminate shoulds...I should...)

59. Enjoy down time.
(My down time is spent cleaning...I DO NOT ENJOY THIS.)

58. Run towards your fears.
(shiiiiiiit)

57. Be dependable.
(check.)

56. Embrace self-responsibility.
(SELF-responsibility?  I am responsible...I am responsible for my happiness.  Oh brother...I get it)

55. Be completely honest.
(check?)

54. First meet your own needs.
(uhhhhhh.....I DONT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE!)

53. Notice the beauty around you.
(CHECK! Tall, dark, handsome, loving hero of a husband...BEAUTIFUL, sweeeeeeet, happy kids.)

52. Open your mind to change.

50. Set attainable goals.
(fail.)

49. Go at your own pace.

48. Honor your individuality.
(WHO AM I???)

47. Open yourself to unlimited possibilities.
(impossible to the poor...who is the asshole that wrote this?)

46. See the humor in things.
(CHECK!)

45. Celebrate your imperfections.

44. Reward yourself.
(I do like to go shopping...A LOT.)

43. Be flexible.
(physically flexible...that is all.)

42. Be gentle with yourself.
(NO)

41. Be open to being wrong.
(I would be...buuuuuut....)

40. Laugh for no reason.
(I think this is the definition of a crazy person...I DO THIS ALL THE TIME)

39. Light candles.
(sick)

38. Enjoy nature.
(sick again)

37. Get a message.
(NOBODY TOUCHES ME)

36. Congratulate yourself.
(good job)

35. Know yourself.
*crickets*

34. Appreciate where you are today.

33. Give yourself space.

32. Breathe mindfully.
(WHAT)

31. Communicate your emotions.
(trying...trying...)

30. Learn to relax.

29. Meditate.

28. Say no more often.
(I say it too often...)

27. Experience new things.

26. Take mini breaks throughout the day.

25. Create personal affirmation cards, use daily.
(gay)

24. Hang out with positively happy people.
(SUCCESS!!!)

23. Schedule fun times for yourself.
(I do have a standing Sunday night show time with a couple friends...and a bi-monthly dinner...sooo....)

22. Make your car a sanctuary.
(ABSOLUTELY)

21. Dress for success.
(WEARING MY PANTS!  WHEEE!)

20. Be impecably groomed.
(groomed with burp up on baby poop...)

19. Balance your energy.

18. Recharge your batteries.

17. Refuse to argue.
(IMPOSSIBLE...I LOVE pissing people off)

16. Balance your diet.
(WIN!!!)

15. Sleep sound.

14. Persevere.

13. Feel and express gratitude.

12. Give up self put-downs.
(WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!???)

11. Develop your intuition.

10. Learn to hold your own hand.
(I am strong.)

9. Accept your physical appearance.

8. Keep your cool.
(HAHAHA)

7. Vent in a positive way.
(oh shit.)

6. Speak kindly of yourself.
(nothing kind to say)

5. Be brave. 

4. Learn to calm yourself.

3. Listen to music.

2. Make the most of every opportunity.

1. Start fresh each day.


well...that was supposed to be encouraging.  Those were SUPPOSED to be helpful...meh.