Tuesday, February 15, 2011

February 14th, VALENTINE'S DAY!

Being the little sneaky rat that I am, I had made big plans for Jay.  Jay had to work Valentine's Day, so we already celebrated our Valentine's with a WONDERFUL dinner last Saturday (I posted that already).  So, as far as Jay knew V-day was over schmover.  Let me preface the rest of this post by saying, I AM A ROMANTIC FAILURE.  I do sweet things, yes.  I write little sweet notes, I cook fantastic meals and do all sorts of "sweet" things.  Jay is wonderful and is romantic, but the moment I realize he is being romantic I instantly am overcome with retardation and school girl giddy antics; When it comes to being lovey dovey, accepting romantic gestures, even being sexy, uhm...FAIL.  Let me give you some examples of my romantic refusals/romantic attempts:

Romantic refusal:

Every guy that told me "I love you",  I awkwardly responded with "Thaaaanks" or "Oh. Well, that's neat".

Jay and I had been dating about a week.  Things were going REALLY well.  We REALLY liked each, we got along, laughed; in a way we KNEW we were going to be together.  We had chosen one another early on and both of us, in our own way has decided we loved the other.  I was at his condo, we were hanging out, and it was time for me to leave.  I was still in college, a tiny CHRISTIAN college that had a curfew, so I needed to get back to avoid "demerits" ( I hadn't quite mastered the art of Vanessa the sleepy lump pillow dummy...which I did in fact, perfect).  Jay walked me down to my car.  We talked about when about we would see each other again, assured each other the we had had fun and said our goodbyes.  It is a beautiful night, there was a pleasant breeze and the frogs were mating in the back ground.  There was a creek behind his condo, FULL of frogs who in the spring mate; frogs mating sound like a retarded Vin Diesel  yelling "MAAAAAM, MAAAAM"  then a gurgle and a croak.  The atmosphere was promising.  We are hugging each other, looking into each others eyes--the mood was set perfectly for a wonderful passionate romantic first kiss.  The MOMENT I realize what is about to happen, I lose my mind.  I might as well have been wearing a shock collar that went off continuously.  I looked at him, my eyes opened more than they have ever opened-wide eyed deer in the headlights look.  I opened my mouth and said "OH MY GOD" turned my head and pushed away.  Upon realizing what I had done, I tried to make it better and quickly grab him to give him a hug and try again.  THEN I was overcome with uncontrollable laughter and I am pretty sure there were tears streaming down my face.  Poor Jay. FAIL.

We wont even talk about what happened when Jay proposed to me.

Romantic attempts:  I try to keep the attempts minimal since I am aware of my short fallings.  Like I said, I write sweet cards, nice little notes...what I failed to mention is that in every note I include some kind of off color phrase or addition, maybe even a little mean hateful joke such as:  Wow, Jay, you are really old. Wow, Jay, where is your hair?  Wow, Jay, old age has not cause you to become a hunchback, no, it has cause your tiny bottom to tuck under.  I have a dong. Etc.

This all being said, I have embraced my romantic failings and this year gave Jay a "signing The Artist Formally Known as Prince telegram"  while he was working last night.  I told Jay I was meeting a friend and we were going sit sit at the bar at his work, have a glass of wine (I ended up guzzling two IMMEDIATELY after arriving due to the fear of the consequences this might bring--JAY WAS GOING TO KILL ME).  What I was REALLY doing, was witnessing my favorite Valentine's Day antics to date.

 PRINCE aka Jill.

Jay was embarrassed but a good sport...I am still alive!  We went out for drinks afterwards (thanks Mom for watching the boys!) and this is what I wore:

 Express dolman sheer sleeve shirt, Gap flare jeans

 Express rhinestone hoops

Gap silver flats

I failed to get a picture of myself wearing these clothes due to the effects of wine on an empty stomach. I felt good in my outfit :)  

Happy Valentine's Day.


Anna said...

Oh my Lord. You are too funny. Now I'm dying to hear the proposal.

Jill said...

Vanessa, did it get filmed???? I was so nervous and forgot half the words.