Thursday, February 3, 2011

Snowpacolypse day 3...

The cold weather must really be doing a number on my sanity.  Two huge fails for the day (due to the cold...of course...)


1.  I had a gift card to a small local specialty grocery store for $50 dollars.  The whole time I had planned on purchasing a couple canisters of organic infant formula.  So, (kids stayed at home with dad) I went to the little store, and the formula was $43.65.  Pissed at the price, I went to the counter to check out.  I went to the register with the longer line because the first checker had an odd vibe to him (curled wrinkled fingers, unnatural tufts of hair in odd places...yes, odd vibe).  So, I went to the check out with the seemingly normal little lady checker.  I told her I would be using my gift card and she proceeded to ring up the infant formula. She said "oh honey, you need to go get more."  Confused I looked at the total...she had rung up the infant formula for $4.36!  Of course, I didn't dare say anything about the price.  I looked up and looked her directly in the eye (HUGE MISTAKE)...she either had a horrible case of strabismus (cock eyed) -sad I know, I'm not making fun of her, just bear with me for a second- or had a poor fitting glass-eye.  I stared and then stuttered in response, "I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I (staring at her awry eye, not even sure if she is looking at me...I am very aware at this point that I am staring and saying what sounds like "EYE" and CANNOT STOP SAYING IT...I finally came to my senses and said something different.  Unfortunately what I said put me on the same mental level as George Bush)......ME knows what Ill get!"  I turned around, ran down the nearest aisle and filled my arms with weird items.  I made my way back to the checkout (with a mental image of HER EYE and I, I, I, I, I, I, I...replaying ever so loudly in my head)  I checked out, said thank you, HUGGED THE SACKER (WTF?!) and left.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?  Sometimes I hate being me.


2.  My dad makes a WONDERFUL ground pork sausage out of pork tenderloin.  I decided I would do the same thing but add a few other ingredients and turn it into a casserole.  I took my pork tenderloin, trimmed it, chopped it, threw it in the food processor, and tossed in a few veggies, herbs and spices and thought to myself, ill cook it and voila-ground pork tenderloin casserole!  I took it out of the food processor, patted it down in a casserole dish and put it in the oven.  Jay came in the kitchen and started cleaning the pork goop off of the food processor.  Jay, who is quite the chef (NO), was very concerned with my concoction.  I defended my creation, and told him he didn't know what he was talking about...you see, I knew what I was doing.  I check on it a little later...the weird white meat mash sat there in the casserole dish...nothing about it had changed; it looked EXACTLY the same as when I put it in there. I ended up with some sort of pork puree that remained a pork puree even after I cooked it.  It had been in there nearly an hour so I decided to take it out-still in puree form.  Jay walked by, looked at it, gasped and then gagged.  I bit his head off, and furiously defended it.  At this point, I was a little concerned with my meaty mud pie.  I put cheese on it and tried to serve it to Jay anyway, then was offended and PISSED when he didn't like it.  I threatened, "I'm just going to throw the whole damn thing away!  I cant believe you would have me waste this pork!" took it off the table, pretended to throw it away and proceeded to form the cooked mush into patties...added salt... and pan fried them.  They never changed.  They were now hot piles of salted pork puree.  In my attempts to salvage the pork pudding, this is what I finally came up with:





Judah wouldn't even eat it.

On the bright side, it was hoodie day at work today, I think I pulled it off in a nice "womanly way"

oh.

Oh, no no no...whoops, here I am:

NOT!

SIKE!

haha...tricked you again!

is it me?  is it me?

Oh, here I am!
VS tank, VS v-neck tee, VS tank, VS Hoodie, Old Navy Coat, Gap hat, Gap scarf, Gap black wash skinny jeans, Uggs, Forever 21 studs.


9 comments:

Thompson Family said...

I had tears rolling down my cheeks I was laughing so hard while reading this!

Vanessa said...

Hahaha good...everything I did today made me feel like such a retard. Haha! I did have a good time torturing Judah with the meat man...

Cristina Cathey said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vanessa said...

haha I know, right?

Anna said...

OH my goodness! Incredible. I so enjoyed this...I showed David and he was cracking up. :)

Margaret said...

Oh! Vanessa! Dito... Oh my gosh... I'm still laughing out loud!!! You are so funny! I love it! Oh, I've got to get others to read this for such a good laugh!!!

Candice said...

Hahaha Im glad youre such a clown!

Anonymous said...

Can't. Stop. Laughing. HAHAHA. OMG. LOLz. This is Charissa, BTW.

Vanessa said...

Oh Charissa! HI! Hahaha...yeah...wow, that day.