Wednesday, January 5, 2011


My idea was to dress like a woman for a year (hopefully longer, but 365 days is my goal) and by doing so, feel like a woman, regain confidence, relieve/rid my self of social anxiety and possibly discover a piece of myself along the way.  I have "worn my big girl pants" for less than a week and here are somethings that I have noticed:

1.  I like spending money.
2.  I like spending money on me.
3.  I like my husband spending money on me.
4. I like my parents giving me money for my I can spend it.
5.  I like my in-laws giving me a Visa gift card for I can spend it.
6.  I like claiming other people's things as my own (hypothetically).
7.  Finders keepers, losers weepers.
8.  I like returning my children's Christmas gifts and using the credit on me (hypothetically).  
9.  No, I don't want to shop for other people...only for me.
10.  Every occasion is a good occasion for my to get things.
11.  Would you like to give me a present?  I would like that.

OK.  No, no, no. I do love/believe those things BUT it didn't take big girl pants to realize that.  Here are some things (serious business) that have happened, while "wearing my big girl pants"

1.  Ive been fairly social  (even if it began with me kicking and screaming)...more consistently social than I have in a been in a long while.  

2.  I went on vacation with the In-laws. It was the first time I had been on a vacation since Ive had children; it's the first time I've been on vacation and have had THREE children, one of which was sick, one of which is a clumsy yet fearless MANIAC,  one of which is breastfed, and all of which are three years and under; it's the first time I've been on vacation with other peoples children.  Let me preface this by saying, I am blessed with the most loving, accepting, easy going in-laws, niece and nephews, EVER.  They never fail in providing a comfortable and loving environment for me and my children.  Regardless, I HAVE AN ANXIETY PROBLEM.  I always seem to feel/create a tightness in my chest or a crisis in my mind when I am around anyone other than myself.  This trip had the utmost potential in being a personal perpetual anxiety attack resulting in my brain melting.  Surprisingly, on this trip, I experience the least anxiety I have ever felt with my family by marriage.  I felt comfortable and like I belonged.  I really enjoyed it.

3.  At times (few), I WANTED to dress like a woman...(I still WANTED to throw on a hoodie and sweats, sit in a corner, eat chocolate, and avoid all social contact).

I know that "wearing my big girl pants" may have nothing or everything to do with it.  Maaaaaaybe I felt confident in how I was physically presenting myself???  Maaaaybe that helped me relax???  Maybe getting out of Oklahoma, OUT OF MY HOUSE, helped me get my panties out of a wod.  Maybe I was just so damn happy NOT to be pregnant anymore.  I don't know.  Either way, those three things DID happen; I kind of liked those happenings...

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